Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Ask Eddi: My Boyfriend is hot and I am not - What am I to do?

Dear Eddi:

Perhaps you can help me with my problem.  I have been in Second Life for about four months.  I met this drop-dead gorgeous guy three weeks ago.  He's really nice too but really hot to look at.  I get a woody whenever I am with him. We have been together almost every night, and have the best sex.  We spend quite a bit of time going out with his friends, and they are all good looking too. But I am really not that much to look at.  My friend keeps on telling me that looks are not everything, but lets face it.  he makes heads turns and I look little better than a newbie.   I am afraid I will lose him.  What can I do?

Dear Concerned Reader:

Although the majority of people who read this column must think to themselves that you are either contrived, or not the brightest of stars, because the answer to your problem is so simple, I commend you on your honesty. Many of us who have handsome partners feel inadequate but do not realize it or admit it.  All of us treat Second Life as an extension of the real world to a certain degree, and inadequacy of appearance is something that plaques the vast majority of us in real life, unless we have the  musculature and bearing of  Taylor Lautner, or the blue eyes and clear skin of Zac Effron.

Now, I will answer your question.  Get $5,000 Linden together, which is twenty American somehow, and buy yourself a hot look.  The vast majority of gay men in Second Life have no clue how to pick out a skin, body and hair for an optimal look, and very very few avatars under one year of age can do this. So what can you do? Go to a place like Agape Shapes or Q-Design, and pick out a hot model that you feel turns on the people who you want to impress- make sure that you get the styling card that comes along with it.  Take your boyfriend with you.   And then, follow the instructions on the card exactly.  you will be the hunk of your dreams.

However enlightened reader, I have news for you.   Your boyfriend on SL in all likelihood could not care about what your avatar looks like if he is having a wonderful time with you.   You two have had a serious relationship both physically l and emotionally  for three weeks.  You must be good at cybersex or conversation, or you must be satisfying your boyfriends needs some other way.  Perhaps it is due to your ........... personality? What a strange thought (Eddi rolls his eyes in sarcasm).   Relationships based on avatar looks last a very short time in Second Life. And, a hot avatar with a jerk or insecure personality will fade fast.

I believe that Second Life is a wonderful training ground for those of us who have had problems forming relationships in real life because we did not think we were "hot" enough. For not a lot of money, one can be the man of his dreams in Second Life - with the right help of course.  I venture to say concerned reader that you are insecure about your looks in the real world, and probably very harsh on yourself.   For you, Second Life has a wonderful role to play in building the better relationships of tomorrow.

For help with your Second Life problems please leave Eddi a notecard inworld, or send your question in a comment below this post and he just might answer it in this column. 

The column is an update of one that ran here in December 2009. 

1 comment:

  1. I can very well relate to how this guy feels. About 6 months into SL I met a guy I fell in love with. We starting talking and going places. It was all so natural. Our main problem was a time difference and we could not see each other often.
    His Avi was far better than mine and I felt bad about that at first, but we communicated with each so naturally and freely. With him I could express my feelings. sometimes it seemed we could read each others minds. Even though we are not together now the memories are beautiful. I have thought many time of doing a make over. In some ways being more a boy next door type let me make mistakes and not feel bad about them. I can also surprise others by things I say or do. I can be naughty or nice.
    How two people relate and communicate with each other is more important. Great article and I would say take you time and you will do the right thing. Wish him the best.


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