Saturday, September 4, 2010

Never Give up Hope

Two weeks ago I found out that my best friend in the world had been told that  he had a rare form of cancer, and that he had six to eight months left in which to live. He was told that chemotherapy would be useless in his case, and that there was nothing that could be done to help him.

This person has been my best friend since I have been 15 years old. He is very heterosexual and is now married, but shared a house with me in San Francisco for several years. Our families both assumed we were boyfriends which amused both of us to a very great degree. In fact we are so close we might as well be brothers.

I remember when I came out of the closet at 21 and told him, my friend's reaction at the time was "I knew all along, and wanted to know what took you so long to come out".  He knew my real orientation before I did.

My friend is physically fit, in perfect health (until this) and has never taken medication in life for anything.  He was a vision of health.

I went into shock when I heard, did not sleep for three days, and really did not take the news very well.  Of course, Jago was there to support me.

I insisted that my friend get a second opinion from an oncologist.  I also spent a week researching possible cures. I few to San Francisco last week to be with my friend, and to see what I could do to help.

The good news is that the new oncologist told him that he did not agree with the first, and that chemotherapy, which he should well tolerate given his overall health, should make some impact. He also  said that no one can give anyone a timeframe in which to live. He also is lining up a visit to one of the best cancer doctors in the world at one of the finest cancer research hospitals in the United States, the University of California Medical Center in San Francisco. to see if my friend can get on one of several trial programs with new treatments to put his cancer in recession.

I am here in San Francisco now and my friend is a new person. He has hope, and has the strength to do whatever is necessary to live. . I feel better too, and am willing to start socializing inworld, something I have not felt much of an inclination lately to do.

I was not going to mention this here. I do not want to use this blog as a soapbox. But then I thought -- what if someone else is confronted by the same issue?   I thought my friends story might help someone else in the same circumstances.

thanks for reading, Eddi


  1. Thank you for this post, Eddi. My RL lover of ten years died of brain cancer and Relay is a very important thing for me. I wish your friend well. Thank you for helping spread the word about Relay, which is also very active in SL. The more we can do to irradicate this horrible disease, the better. *hugs*

  2. Thank you so much for sharing this, Eddi! We all need to know that there is hope. If one lets go off hope before the end one might as well have died then!

    And I totally agree with the new doctor - albeit he was probably trying to be helpful - to give someone a timeframe in this situation is really more like cruel and unusual punishment!

    I am happy to hear that both your friend at you are doing better. I will think of him and send hin good thoughts, and you too!


  3. Eddi, my dad was diagnosed with 3 brain tumors and told he had 3 months to live and that was 2005!
    He has had so much chemo etc but he looked after himself and he is now coasting (still) but he still has a fairly comfortable life and cancer seems to be shrinking so you never know!


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