Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Ask Eddi - Why Do I Keep on Meeting Men Who Cheat on Me?


This comes from a concerned reader who did not leave a location.

Dear Eddi:


Eddi, please help me. Once again, I found that the guy I was dating is fooling around on the side with some slut. This has happened to me for the two years. I meet some really nice guy, who says that I am the greatest thing that has happened to him, pledges himself to me, and then cheats on the side. I have been married twice, only to find out that my partner has been cheating on me, once in fact with one of my bridesmaids before my own wedding! I cry, and then manage to pick myself up and meet another guy a few weeks later, only to have the same thing happen all over again. Should I leave Second Life? What is a frustrated girl to do?

Dear Saddened Reader:

Eddi must admit that he has heard this story before from many of his female friends. You are not unique. Eddi wonders if there is some sort of self- help groups for females, and invites anyone to know of one to please leave a comment here. But let me see if I can address your problem here and save you from regular meetings in which you will find out that you are a serial relationship victim due to actions of your own choosing.

Saddened reader, the majority of males in our species, and certainly, many females are simply not programmed to be monogamous. When you meet a guy, there is nothing you will be able to do, let me repeat, nothing you can do, to stop his eye from turning somewhere else. This extended to real life and virtual worlds. I guess that if this were real life, you could slip a testosterone-neutralizing substance in his food to cut his libido back, but then he may very well decide to spend your next anniversary with you in Las Vegas at a Barry Manilow concert eating chocolates and complaining about men in general. I am not sure you want that.

My solution to the monogamy problem is to have an open relationship based on the principle that the rules that apply to real-life sex are not the same as the rules that apply to virtual sex. Your partner will not pick up any disease from SL sex, will not pick up crabs, and cannot be blackmailed if you two are open.  Being open requires ground rules.  Say that you establish the following rules-  1. Never use your own house, 2. Never have sex with others when you two are on together  3.  Never have an affair that lasts more then two weeks or so, and always tell the other person that you are partnered and to give up hope for a long term relationship.

But Eddi realizes how hard this is for most people, especially traditional females.  In this case, you need to be quite direct with your partner and tell them that they must remain faithful to you, and if they want to ever have sex elsewhere, to please create an alternative account and not tell you about it, which is one of the great advantages about Virtual Reality.  Show them this column if you do not want to be direct.

But lets say you have "caught" your partner cheating on you. My first question to you is this.  How do you know he is cheating on you?  Did he tell you?  Did you see pictures?  Some avatars are jealous and seek to destroy the relationships of others; big nasty mouths are an issue all over. Did you hear this third-hand?  Did the slut who claims to have sex with your boyfriend tell you she did?  My first rule is to ignore gossip and always give your partner the benefit of the doubt. But say it is a fact that he did "cheat" on  you.

Saddened reader, what you must do is first open your heart up and forgive your partner, as much as you can, since having sex in Second Life is as easy as finding "some hot gal" at a Zindra sex club who very well can be a male in real life, and jumping on some pose balls and showering after in real life (hopefully!). This to me sounds like something that should be forgiven.  If the your jerk partner continues to sleep with your slutty friends and tells you, dump him. Move on which is what you have done, much to your credit. There is nothing wrong with  serial dating until you find the fight guy who is willing not to embarrass you here, and is not "virtually cheating" on a real - life wife here by having sex with you.

Come up with your own rules and you will never be a victim.  Apply the rules of real -life Soap Operas here, and you will always be hurt. And that, enlightened reader, is my advice for the day.

For help with your Second Life problems please leave Eddi a question at eddie.thebeaver@gmail.com and he just might change your second life.

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