Saturday, October 27, 2012

Ask Eddi: Part 1: A letter I am writing to myself asking for some sage advice on how to handle my recent break-up with Jago

Asking Myself for Advice


Note:

For the past three years I have written advice here in Ask Eddi columns. These questions have come to me in emails, inworld in note cards, or just through conversations -- and I have answered them in a direct (and often humorous ) way.  

So what I am doing here is writing a letter to myself asking "Eddi" for advice on how to handle my hardest week in Second Life in 4 years.   I do not know how I will yet reply, but here it is -- the strangest Ask Eddi, and the most important one for me yet.  I will reply to my letter and run a response here on Sunday night. 

Dear Eddi:

I need your sage advice.

This week, on Tuesday,  my 4-year Second Life partnership with one of the greatest people I have met in my lifetime, Aussie Jago Constantine, ended. Our relationship was purely virtual -- we knew we could never get together in real life due to our distance from each other, and were happy with this.  We never communicated by telephone, just through inworld visits and occasional emails. I can tell you however that our relationship, at least for me, was as wonderful as any real-life love affair.

It was not sex (although that was good, especially in the beginning) that kept us together. It was the building of places, going on virtual journeys, keeping a house, having a family with 6 lifelike virtual dogs and other pets, talking about things such as world events and Second Life developments (Jago is one of the most interesting and intelligent people I have ever known), and most importantly - sharing some very wonderful friends together, such as DJ Sora Bluebird who became our best friend, which was so amazing. Jago was my partner, my other half, my rock who helped me through my problems and sad times in real and second life, and having this for 4 years was incredible. I will no longer having him hold and cuddle the virtual me which was something I looked forward to every day.

The partnership had to end, and the decision was mutual.  Developments in his life, and our massive time difference (10 hours since I am in Florida) have finally taken their toll. The time we were getting together inworld was 7 a.m. his time right before he headed off to his increasingly demanding work and was having problems continuing. I could not wake up in the middle of the night to see him my time.  This simply could not continue.

We agreed that we both need to move on. Jago said that he could not leave me inworld without having a regular partner, and it must have been brutally hard on him to tell me this. We will remain friends, and share incredible memories, but still --- my amazing Second Life relationship is over. And Jago has told me that his time in Second Life will be very limited due to other real life commitments, so I am not sure how much contact I will have, although he told me not to worry about this.

Although I did see this coming, I have felt like hell since Tuesday, and have been grieving over this loss as strongly as I have when I split up with my real life boyfriend of 5 years several years ago - who, by the way, has turned into my best friend in real life. I must say that my "recovery" from my split-up with Jago is moving along quickly, and I am no longer moping around as much as I have for the past 4 days. My friends inworld, especially Sora, have been very supportive and have told me how much I am appreciated which helps. But still, I need more closure.

So Eddi, what advice can you give me?  How can I move along with my life and stop feeling so miserable about what has happened?  And what about my future in Second Life?

(Eddi lets this letter sit for at least a day and will get back to his answer in 24 hours). To be continued in Part 2)

Update, Part 2 can be found here:

 http://eddihaskell.blogspot.com/2012/10/ask-eddi-part-2-letter-i-am-writing-to.html

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